The Weight of Heavy Things

Hello friends.  

Putting my heart on the page for you to read as we wind down 2019. 

Earlier this year, one of my favourite local artists, Crystal Drieger posted a picture of this painting she had just done.  The moment I saw it I gasped.  Something about it visually spoke to me in a deep way.    I love her work.  It can be both whimsical and realistic in a way that inspires me.  But this piece in particular felt like it symbolized 2019 for us.  As you can see, it depicts a coming thunderstorm on the prairies with vivid colours, texture, movement, power and peacefulness.  And though I couldn’t buy the original, I asked her right away if she’d be doing prints.  This month I bought a print which will be lovingly displayed in our home.  

Our year has been relentless.   I’ve not said a lot about it, but it feels a bit cathartic to write it down now.   At Christmas a year ago, my husband could not shake a brutally deep cough he had, and developed a fever.  I suspected he had pneumonia, which doctors initially thought as well, but when he continued to worsen, they hospitalized him and we waited weeks to learn he had a much more serious fungal pneumonia that required a heavy duty anti-fungal drug and treatment for at least a year to recover from. He was in the hospital for a month and off of work for 2 more months.  We had excellent care, but I juggled days at the hospital, and home with the kids and work trying to keep everything moving.  We experienced a great deal of love and support from our family, friends and Church that was so encouraging and helpful.  

Fast forward a few months, and the Doctor who is treating my husband's fungal pneumonia, can’t explain why some of his blood results are dipping.  She diligently researches and consults with other Doctors, and eventually lets us know she thinks the cancer my husband was treated for 12 years ago is back.  Tests confirm this.  Hairy Cell Leukemia has returned.  A big blessing is that this cancer is very treatable and it is also likely the reason he contracted the fungal pnemonia in the first place.  It causes a lowered immune system.  So, this fall, my husband had treatment October through the end of November.  Again, we were surround by prayers and support from such amazing people in our lives.  Our faith in Jesus powerfully sustains us in the deepest places.  The demands have been pretty heavy, he needed to be hospitialized again during part of treatment and there was a lot of up and down. He has been on medical leave from work since October and I’ve been juggling all of the extra pieces once again.  

My husband's last day of treatment was also his Birthday.  At our treatment centre they have a tradition that you ring the Bell of Hope to celebrate your last treatment.  Unknown to him,  I had planned for many of our friends to surprise him for the bell ringing to celebrate his recovery.  

As he was just beginning his last treatment we got the phone call that his Dad had just passed away.  We were heartbroken.  He had fought dementia for a number of years, and now he was gone.  Though we rang the bell of hope, we cancelled our celebration party, and gathered our family to head to ND for the funeral, which my husband did, as we are both pastors.  It was a day filled with sadness and joy, tears and celebration all rolled together.  

Just a week after Dad’s funeral, my husband’s mom became ill and within a few weeks her health became grave.  Less than four weeks after Dad passed away, Mom also breathed her last on earth.  There was no way we could have seen this coming.  So, even as I write we will be back in North Dakota with family to say goodbye and celebrate her life.  

That’s a lot.  Maybe you can relate to it too because of storms in your own life.  

Throughout it all, we have felt very carried by God.  We’ve been very supported and loved.  We are learning and growing even in the midst of this, and even as we grieve.  We are even closer as a family, and closer to our friends.  However, I have begun to realize that 2019 has taken a great deal out of all of us.  All of these events have held heavy weight and we need to pay attention to that.  I have not cared for myself well this past year, as I’ve spent most of it caring for my husband and children.  So, I’m going to be taking some time away to pay attention to the weight of what 2019 has been, and how I’m being called to live because of it in the years I’m blessed with ahead.  

I’ve asked for a leave of absence from my design teams and they’ve graciously given that to me (they are such good women - so thank you Marcy and Alma).  My creative spirit has left me, and I want the Lord to restore it, along with many other things in the weeks ahead.  

That lovely painting shows the dark storm coming; but it also shows light and vibrant green in the center of the field, which will be further watered by that approaching storm.  Letting God water me and restore me and bring growth is what I’ll be investing in over the next weeks.  

Look forward to all that this will bring when I catch up with you again.  With love and blessing.  

Christine

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The Weight of Heavy Things