Hello to a brand new year!
Do you like my new look? I’ve been wanting something fresh for my blog for some time now, something clean and graphic that still reflects me. I’m so happy with it. It feels like a fresh start to the new year. I thought I’d start the year on a real transparent and personal note. Care to grab a warm cup of coffee and spend a few minutes with me?
I’ve never been one to pick a word for the year or have a theme for what was ahead, mostly because I think that God dictates that for me and He hadn’t ever given me one. But this year, I think I do have a word. I’ll be honest, it’s not a word I like. But, there’s no denying it, it’s the word for 2014.
That word is change.
I’ll tell you why I don’t like it. Simply put, I don’t like change. I’m a girl who values stability, security, the known. It makes me feel safe and as though my world has good boundaries to work in. I like knowing what to expect of the times ahead of me. And yet it’s apparent to me that it’s time for change.
Some changes are being thrust upon me and I’ve been struggling with them all fall. The biggest change begins today. As many of you know, my husband and I work together at a church with youth. We’ve been doing this job together for 9 years now. We really do love working together. We get each other, we communicate well about our roles in ministry and with the kids. We have a real sense of purpose in working in ministry together. We laugh a lot, we pray a lot. But today my husband begins a new role at our Church as full-time Executive Pastor, moving out of youth ministry. I’m very proud of him and I know he’ll do an amazing job. He’s gifted in so many aspects of administration, finances and personnel management. His abilities will serve him and the Church well, and we know this is a where he’s supposed to be.
But, he’s leaving me without my partner in that youth ministry part of our life. And that’s a change I’ve really had to do some getting used to. For the first time in 9 years, I’ll be doing youth ministry without him. And that’s got elements to it that make me sad and a little bit anxious. Though I’m capable to do this, I’m grieving a little not having him beside me in the same way. This change has been hard on me.
Change however, isn’t all bad. Some changes are necessary, even when we don’t see them that way at first. Because in change we get out of our typical patterned ruts and into new territory. Change has the great potential of growth. And I always want to be a person that’s growing. It’s like the first (and only) time I went downhill skiing. The bunny hill was fine, but take me up on the mountain and it’s a whole different story. As that chair lift went higher and higher my anxiousness grew greater. And, as my ski tips pointed down the mountain, I was in full panic mode. All I could see was the steep distance straight down the mountain that I’d have to conquer. I couldn’t see far enough ahead to have confidence I could make it. My husband kept reminding me, "just do this chunk in front of you, don’t worry about the whole mountain, don’t worry about what you can’t see yet”. I need those reminders that I’m only conquering a little bit of the "mountain of change" at a time.
One of my favourite Bible verses is Psalm 121 “I lift my eyes to the hills (or mountains in this case) - where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth”. The idea for me is that in looking up to height of the mountains I get perspective on who’s really in control and that I’m not alone in any of this. No matter how hard I try, I can’t create the stability that lasts in my life - only He can.
There will be a lot of changes in the year ahead. We’ve got a daughter who’ll be finishing high school this spring and heading to University, a son heading into high school in the fall. Those are changes I know are coming; in good faith I can say with a measure of confidence that there will probably be many more changes ahead. How will I approach them? I can fight and mutter and drag my feet about it all, prolonging the inevitable. Or I can ask for His help to move forward with some grace, knowing that ultimately there’s great potential for growth in me in the change, and that brings me hope. I won’t be the same at the end of 2014. And that’s a good thing, I don’t want to stay the same. And little by little I’m learning to embrace this word with a greater willingness and openness.
I have good changes ahead in the hopes and dreams for my creativity and this blog in the year ahead too. Somehow, those are easier to be excited about! :) I hope you’ll enjoy following along in the year 2014! I look forward to sharing it all with you!
